He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize