Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
