LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
