I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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