Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize