sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
