its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
