Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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