She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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