my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
