The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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