You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
