she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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