Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
