My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
