ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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