official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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