omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
