He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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