she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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