It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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