i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
