One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
