I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
