the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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