Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
