she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
