I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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