I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
