You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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