Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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