If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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