Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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