so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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