I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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