it wasn't lemon gatorade
where am i from again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
