I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
