perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
