the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
