I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
