Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You were trust falling into bushes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
