Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
