Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated