I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person