it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
whose parrot is this?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.