What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.