Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM