she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.