you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
