Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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