Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Found your dick twin last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
