i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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