I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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