Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
