He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
