very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
