Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
