oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
