I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
