Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
