'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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