hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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