just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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