I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
